Rejection Proof

Rejection Proof is a 2015 bestselling self-help book by author Jia Jiang. A Chinese American immigrant, Jiang draws on his experience being denied his idealistic dreams as a young man to develop a framework for learning to accept and learn from rejection in everyday scenarios. Throughout the book, he repeats the mantra that the fear of rejection is far scarier than any real rejection. Based on this rejection paradox, he exhorts his readers to take the leap out of their comfort zone whenever the opportunity arises, arguing that it will gradually make them less averse to the risk of rejection.

Jiang begins with his personal story about coming to the United States as a hopeful Chinese immigrant. Enamored by literary and media representations of the American dream, he was especially drawn to the story of Bill Gates, hoping to model himself in Gates's image and reach a similar level of success. Entering corporate life as an entrepreneur, Jiang was immediately met with a number of setbacks that cast him into a period of self-doubt. After ruminating on his failures for a seemingly endless stretch of time, he realized that the only thing impeding his future progress was a fear of further rejection. He realized that the pathways to success had always remained at hand and that the sentiment that they had receded into the past was only an illusion. From then on, he began developing a method for coping with the risk of rejection.

Jiang devised an experiment, which he called the “100 days of rejection.” For a hundred days in a row, he constantly looked for occasions to experience rejection. These occasions ranged from approaching random people for a conversation to requesting absurd services from businesses. Many of his attempts, such as trying to get a free sales lesson from a car salesperson on the job, were refused. However, to his surprise, many times, when he expected an immediate rejection, the person he was soliciting accepted his request. For example, an airport gate attendant allowed him to announce something over the intercom. On another attempt, which turned into a viral video, he asked a Krispy Kreme store to make him doughnuts in the form of the Olympic logo.

Jiang includes many aphorisms, mantras, and behavioral strategies to help his readers think as he does in the face of rejection. He reports that his most successful tries happened when he felt open-minded, confident, and amicable. Even if he did not succeed in every case, his friendliness usually kept people interested or intrigued. He also emphasizes the power that comes from realizing that one has nothing to lose by taking a risk. In reality, different people will naturally have a large range of responses to the same question. Jiang’s revelation that these responses were not comments on his own character is key to his risk-taking method. Because of his budding rejection philosophy, Jiang learned to empathize with people from all walks of life. He also learned to think more statistically, discovering that getting a “yes” response to a request, no matter how absurd, was probabilistically feasible.

Jiang notes some of the unintended social and emotional benefits that have materialized out of his constant requesting and bargaining. He has learned to ask people “why” as often as possible, finding that it only enriches understanding and empathy between him and the individuals with whom he talks. He has also learned to persevere and quickly adapt his tactics to the perceived traits of each individual he meets, increasing the rate of success. In this sense, he calls seeking rejection a “feedback tool” that puts him in a constant growth mindset.

At the end of the book, Jiang posits a new formulation for the common question of how to prevent rejection. Rather than ask how it can be permanently forgone, Jiang, instead, implores his readers to ask whether their ideas are worthy of flat-out rejection. It is arguable that in no case is this answer true, since our ideas have intrinsic value, and because idea-sharing is vital to social progress. Ultimately, Jiang argues that learning to face rejection reacquaints us with ourselves; entering a state of self-acceptance is a vital requirement for venturing well into our uncertain futures.