Survival of the Friendliest: Understanding Our Origins and Rediscovering Our Common Humanity

“Carlos’s teacher, seeing how badly he was being teased and not wanting to put him on the spot, no longer called on him, inadvertently isolating him further.”

This situation exemplifies how well-intentioned actions can inadvertently exacerbate problems. The teacher’s decision to stop calling on Carlos, while meant to protect him, further isolated him. In this first case-study of the book, the authors show how critical it is for educators to find balanced approaches that support rather than sideline vulnerable students.

“In a traditional classroom structure, children are in constant competition for their teacher’s approval. This inherent conflict—in which the success of one child threatens the success of another—can foster a toxic environment, and integration exacerbated this issue.”

This insight reveals how traditional educational structures can inadvertently foster division and hostility, particularly in diverse classrooms. This passage is an example of the book’s nuanced approach to human progress that supports racial desegregation but acknowledges transitional challenges. By framing the issue as systemic rather than individual, the authors critique the competitive nature of schooling that can hinder genuine integration and mutual respect among students.

“Understanding the meaning of a point requires sophisticated mind reading. It generally means ‘If you look over there, you’ll know what I mean.’”

This quote highlights the development of theory of mind in human infants, marking the significant cognitive leap they make around nine months old when they begin to understand the communicative intent behind pointing. The act of pointing is described as a gateway to complex social interactions, demonstrating early cognitive abilities that underpin human communication and cooperation. This passage establishes an important strand of the book’s scientific evidence building: The sophisticated “mind reading” is foundational for theory of mind, a crucial element for empathy, teaching, and social bonding, setting humans apart from other species.

“Theory of mind is also the source of suffering. Hatred burns brighter if you are convinced someone intends you harm.”

The dual nature of theory of mind underscores the complexity of human social interactions, where the same cognitive abilities that allow for empathy and cooperation can also create negative emotions such as suspicion or jealousy. This insight reflects the broader theme of the book, which explores how human cognitive evolution has both positive and negative implications for social behavior.

“Darwin was fascinated by domestication and used it to demonstrate the main principles of his evolutionary theory. After publishing The Origin of Species, he wrote The Variations of Plants and Animals Under Domestication, which used artificial selection to illustrate the way natural selection might work on various inherited traits.”

The authors show how Darwin’s connection of artificial and natural selection underscored his insight into the mechanisms of evolution, showing how selective breeding in domesticated animals can mirror the natural processes that drive evolutionary change. By drawing on natural history, the authors bridge the gap between observable human practices and broader natural phenomena, reinforcing the applicability of evolutionary theory to various anthropological contexts.

“The genius of Belyaev’s experiment wasn’t to show that selection for friendliness created people-loving foxes but to reveal what came along for the ride. Floppy ears, shorter snouts, curled tails, splotchy coats, and smaller teeth were never intentionally selected for breeding, yet with each generation these traits became more common.”

This observation highlights the concept of pleiotropy, where a single genetic selection pressure (in this case, friendliness) results in multiple physical and behavioral changes. It illustrates that genetic traits are interconnected and multifaceted, emphasizing the complexity of evolutionary processes and the unforeseen consequences of selective breeding.

“Without ever having played this kind of game before, the friendly foxes could use our gestures to find the food, just like dogs, while even after months of intensive socialization, the regular foxes were barely above chance when we gestured.”

The authors show how the ability of the friendly foxes to intuitively grasp human gestures underscores the deep cognitive and behavioral impact of domestication. It suggests that sociability and cooperative communication skills can evolve rapidly through selective breeding, providing insight into the mechanisms that might have facilitated the domestication of dogs and other animals. The speed and benefits of sociability in foxes are used by the authors to suggest that the same processes are advantageous to humans.

“Few animals are friendlier than the bonobo, but bonobos have always been a puzzle. Bonobos and chimpanzees shared a common ancestor around a million years ago and share more genes with us than they do with gorillas.”

The authors compare bonobos and chimpanzees to highlight the intriguing differences in the species’ behavior despite their close genetic relationship, pointing to the impact of social and environmental factors on evolution. This comparison also underscores the unique evolutionary path of bonobos, which may provide insights into the role of friendliness and cooperation in human evolution.

“It was a clear demonstration of just how costly aggression can be. It can lead to serious injury or death, but it can also severely limit your number of social partners.”

The analysis of aggression’s costs underscores the evolutionary disadvantage of violent behavior, which can limit social connections and reduce overall fitness. This insight supports the argument that friendliness and cooperation, as seen in bonobos, can be more advantageous evolutionary strategies. This is a clear parallel to the book’s key argument that the same is true of humans.

“Bonobos have been celebrated and mocked as the make-love-not-war hippie ape. They have been ignored as many have looked at the more familiar chimpanzees as a more suitable mirror for ourselves.”

The portrayal of bonobos as “hippie apes” serves to highlight the cultural biases that favor more aggressive models of behavior as reflections of human nature. It calls for a reassessment of the traits we value and emulate, suggesting that the peaceful and cooperative behaviors of bonobos offer a valuable and overlooked model for human societies.

“The human self-domestication hypothesis proposes that friendliness in the Pleistocene is the spark that ignited Homo sapiens’ technological revolution.”

The author’s develop their argument by moving into anthropological studies. This passage explores the idea that friendliness sparked a technological revolution, which emphasizes the importance of social cooperation in human evolution. It highlights a shift from aggression to cooperation as a driver of innovation, suggesting that the ability to work together and communicate effectively was more crucial than raw intelligence alone.

“Domesticating a wolf brain or an ape brain is impressive. But when you domesticate a human brain—this is when the real magic begins.”

The metaphorical use of “magic” underscores the remarkable and unique outcomes of human self-domestication. This statement points to the transformative power of self-control and social cooperation in humans, which has led to unprecedented cultural and technological achievements.

“If the self-domestication hypothesis is correct, then we thrived not because we got smarter, but because we got friendlier.”

The quote challenges the conventional view that intelligence alone drove human success, instead highlighting the role of social traits. This perspective shifts the focus to the evolutionary advantages of reduced aggression and enhanced cooperation in fostering complex societies. This passage encapsulates the main thrust of the book’s argument.

“We are the only species that prefers white sclerae or relies on eye contact. Human babies can follow the direction of someone’s gaze even when a person just moves their eyes.”

The emphasis on white sclerae and eye contact underscores the role of visual communication in human social interactions. This trait facilitates non-verbal communication and cooperation from an early age, reinforcing the idea that our evolutionary success is deeply rooted in our social nature and genetics.

“Selection for friendliness is really selection for an expanded window of social development.”

The phrase “expanded window of social development” highlights how prolonged periods of social learning can lead to enhanced cooperative behaviors and social skills. This idea suggests that extended juvenile traits, including sociability and reduced aggression, play a crucial role in the evolution of friendly and cooperative species, including humans. Simultaneously, a longer development window requires enhanced socialization in order to provide a safe community for developmental activities such as play.

“Dogs and bonobos not only maintain juvenile behaviors throughout their lives, they, like the wrasse, develop behaviors related to cooperative communication earlier than their relatives.”

The comparison of different species illustrates a common evolutionary theme: The retention of juvenile traits into adulthood enhances social bonding and cooperation. This literary device of analogy emphasizes the broader implications of self-domestication across diverse species, underlining the significance of developmental changes in fostering social harmony.

“It was the first time anyone had directly compared so many infants from all three species across so many different abilities. And we found that two-year-old human babies were unremarkable when it came to the nonsocial tasks, like counting and understanding the physical world.”

The use of “unremarkable” to describe human infants’ performance in nonsocial tasks underscores the uniqueness of human social cognition. This finding highlights the distinctive social skills of human infants, the foundation of our advanced cooperative behaviors, and cultural complexities. This passage underpins the authors’ argument that these characteristics are crucial to humans’ superiority to other apes, despite similarities in basic cognitive abilities.

“The Belgians came to Rwanda with instruments to measure facial features and decided that the Tutsi more closely resembled Europeans and so were the superior tribe.”

The phrase “decided that the Tutsi more closely resembled Europeans” exposes the arbitrary and racist nature of colonial rule, illustrating how value judgments of superficial physical characteristics were used to enforce systemic inequality. The authors show how social divisions have lasting consequences: In this example, the colonial division of the early 20th century led to deep-seated divisions and violence between the Tutsi and Hutu, ultimately contributing to the Rwandan genocide of 1994.

“The Banyamulenge never got a foothold in the scramble for Congo precipitated by the Belgian exit.”

The term “never got a foothold” evokes a sense of exclusion and powerlessness, illustrating how the Banyamulenge were systematically disenfranchised. The phrase “scramble for Congo” alludes to the broader geopolitical struggle and turmoil that followed decolonization, underscoring the complex legacy of colonialism and its long-term impact on ethnic and political dynamics in the region.

“The more powerful group might attack, as the Hutu attacked the Banyamulenge, or the attacked group might retaliate.”

The repetition of “might attack” and “might retaliate” emphasizes the relentless cycle of violence that perpetuates conflict between groups. This statement encapsulates the theme of reciprocal aggression, illustrating how fear and hostility can escalate into sustained and destructive conflicts, driven by historical grievances and perceived threats.

“The Bantu word for pygmies is ebaya’a, which means ‘strange inferior beings,’ and the Bantu sometimes have kept pygmies as slaves.”

This passage highlights how the term “ebaya’a” reveals the deep-seated prejudice and sense of superiority the Bantu hold over the pygmies, encapsulating the essence of dehumanization. By labeling pygmies as “strange inferior beings,” the Bantu justified their exploitation and mistreatment, demonstrating how language can reinforce social hierarchies and perpetuate oppression. By analyzing the Bantu word for pygmies, the authors show their workings, making their point an evidenced argument rather than an assertion.

“In 1906, a pygmy named Ota Benga was put on display in the Monkey House at New York’s Bronx Zoo.”

The placement of Ota Benga in the Monkey House starkly symbolizes the racist view that equated African people with animals, stripping them of their humanity and dignity. This act of public display not only dehumanized Benga but also served to reinforce and legitimize racist ideologies among the broader public. The authors use this example—shocking to the modern reader—to reveal and critique the discredited ideas that have informed modern racism and prejudice.

“We did not evolve to be despots. We evolved to live in small bands of hunter-gatherers who valued only social currency and ostracized or killed anyone who tried to monopolize power.”

The literary device of juxtaposition is used to highlight the stark difference between the egalitarian nature of early human societies and the hierarchical structures that followed. This quote underscores the idea that power dynamics and despotism are not inherent to human nature but are products of specific historical developments.

“The seeds of despotism were sown with the first crops.”

The metaphor of “seeds” being “sown” effectively conveys how the advent of agriculture planted the beginnings of societal changes that would grow into complex hierarchies and despotism. This metaphor underscores the impact of agricultural development on social organization and power dynamics.